We walk around everyday not knowing what truly exist around us. Some supernatural powers. They look like normal people , just like you and I. They are very much different. They have eternal life and are damned to this earth, until the end, when all humans are extinct and God comes to get his people. These supernatural beings that some call vampires may still be here. Knowing what they are, some chose it and then some did not. Then their is heavenly angels among us. They also look like normal people, but are blessed , some call them the fallen and The Angels protect us. They can since any supernatural being around “The Vampires”. They can hear the whispers of The lips of a vampire!!! If they are near the angels get a cold chill, because vampires have no blood they crave it. The angels were sent to earth and some were born among us to stop them. Everyone knows vampires have a lurring affect on people , well angels either watch over you, protect you and they can put an amazing, convincing sense of direction on a person. It’s like they stir you in the right path of direction.
Well tonight my heart hurts. I don’t know if I’m having heart problems or just a heartbreak. The things I’ve been through when it comes to love, seems so unreal. My husband has been my heart for almost seven years now. The last couple days he has seemed pretty distant. I looked from the bathroom back near the bed were he was laying. It really looked as though he was hiding a cell phone. I guess him and whomever she is isn’t getting to well or something. I really hope he doesn’t have plans breaking my heart and giving me a heartache that would last a lifetime. I’m all upset right now. Just like when he went to the mall on Saturday. His phone was going dead he seemed so happy coming home Friday on payday that happiness ended the last couple days. I hope and pray he really does love me always & forever or I’ll have a heartache the rest of my life. I hope that doesn’t happen….
Well today’s Sunday so the weekend is about over. I did make it into Walmart over the weekend. I spent some time with my husband. I just wish he wouldn’t have been drinking. Sometimes it’s nice to have your significant other to show you they care by not doing that. Next month it will be seven long years we have been married. Right now he’s asleep. The things he says to me while he’s drinking can hurt just as bad as slapping the shit out of me. I’ve never cared much for alcohol. Years back he was in a accident because of it. I know when I first met him he would drink like a fish. When he gets drunk he is totally out of control. He mentions other woman and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough. Every movie we watch isn’t romantic hardly at all. I’m in to the romantic part of it all. You know cuddling, kissing me. I love all that. My husband says he loves me, I guess will see…
Well I must say, I have really been in my head this week. The kids have started back to school and I’m ready to do some changing and hopefully find a better me. I have been down and kinda getting depressed. How do I fix that? Well, I got to better myself to the point were I won’t continue with that state of mind. Last night me and my husband went to Walmart and done some shopping. He seemed kinda distant. I know he’s been joking around about my weight. Calling me pet names like Stubbie!!!! You might as well call me fat. I can’t remember the last time he called me sexy and looked at me as if he thought I was. This does bother me and the fact that he took off to go to the mall so early this morning. Then he calls from the mall and tells me he was going to the mall and said he just got there and he would try to call me back if his phone didn’t go dead. We’re he forgot to charge it. He just don’t want to answer it. I can’t believe he’s lying to cover up a lie. I thought he loved me. Now days I’m not so sure. I wish I knew what and who he was doing behind my back. Am I going to ask him about it? No, why ask someone who is lying to me. When in all reality all he’s going to do is lie to me again. I looked in the mirror yesterday and thought “Why don’t I take care of myself anymore?” I’m going to start I’ve let myself go for to long now. I am 35 years old and I’m not getting any younger. I need to start working on a better me. I remember back when I first met my husband I could tell how much he was in love with me. Now it’s all different. I don’t see him checking me out anymore. Maybe he thinks he has found someone better than me. Has he found someone better than me? No, he will never find a heart as true as mine. There is one thing in this life I do take seriously and that’s my heart. My husband might think he’s found another woman that’s better than me. I wish him luck on doing so, because he will never find a woman that loves him the way I do. If he’s trying than he doesn’t understand a live so pure. I’m going to make it count do what I can to better myself, maybe then and only then he will see and not try to find better than me, because in reality that don’t exist.
It’s sad, but true. Sometimes if you act like you love someone too much. You actually push them away. If your in a marriage then sometimes you end up in a Broken marriage, with the Broken truth. They lie about loving you, the deceit you in a way that can make you think, why? They start blaming you for what they are doing, their flaws. My dad always told me you can’t make someone love you, and you can’t. When they start telling you the Broken truth, being mean, not so affectionate, saying specific things that they aren’t doing they are. This is the point I’m at with my marriage. They act like they are asleep until you are, then sleep with one eye open. You then will see the painful, heartbreaking truth. Then you need to take this time to rediscover who you are. Start preparing yourself for what could happen. Sometimes the truth hurts so bad we don’t want to see it. So we want to believe them so bad, we do. In all reality if you have that deep gut feeling they have a back-up plan, guess what they do. Then it’s time to try to rebuild yourself. They don’t think your worth nothing, your not if you let them win. Be stronger than them, stop chasing and wishing. Let them do that, then they will know they are losing true love for what they lust. A lustful eye is never good. It’s just a sign you need to turn in another direction yourself. They may follow you, then again they could possibly think that the grass is greener on the other side. Then they won’t see a good thing till it’s gone. By then if may be too late. Then if they do screw you over don’t worry about getting even. When you do bad unto others it has a funny way of showing back up on them in the long run. So try to think positive and on the right path. True love always finds it’s way even if they have to learn the Broken truth!!!!
My whole life I always loved watching romance films, or reading that novel about someone’s high school sweetheart. I didn’t think I would ever meet the love of my life, eventually I assumed my prince charming was on a long vacation at some far away place and I was just awaiting for his return. Finally, he made it to me at the most awkward place. I sent to college to be a legal secretary, but with the jobs so scarce, I just couldn’t find a job so I done the inevitable. I was in a bad relationship at the time, but not committed, but was still holding on to it with hope. I needed a job so bad. My sister use to do adult entertainment as a stripper, so yeah she talked me into it. Yeah, that’s right I started dancing, scared at first but I sure did get the hang of it. I was a Legal Secretary that went Buck Wild to make that money. I had by far the perfect body, but with time I started getting my self esteem back my boyfriend at the time took away. I lost weight started taking better care of my health and by the compliments I had received I eventually had the loom I always wanted. If was my job to take care of myself and the good thing was I got paid to do it. Hell yeah!!! I stayed at the job for about five years at JB’s Gentleman’s Club, then it happened he walked in. I usually just danced as if no one was watching. Yeah, I bad my regular customers, but when he walked in he surely caught my eye. I had a black wrap on and a black and grey belly top on and black chunky heel eight inch stilettos. I was listening to the song “Far Away” by: Nickelback. He was at the bar getting a Budweiser and he came and set down at the stage. At first I didn’t think he was real. I thought I just had to much to drink. I kept glancing over at him as I twirled around the pole. He had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, muscular build, goatee. Perfect!!!! I absolutely adored him. By the third song I had nothing on but a wrap and heels even the thongs came off. I danced slowly across the stage, stooped down and started exotically dancing right in front of him. Even though I was shy it didn’t bother me to tell him how I felt. I bluntly said “Your hot and I want you” but in more of a blunt way. He replied I think your hot too. My heart sunk. I gazed into his eyes and kept talking to him and said: I bet you have a different girlfriend in every county. He said he didn’t. This shocked me. I couldn’t believe it be was single and was into me as much as I was into him. He gave me his number I didn’t call at first, but I guess I did get his attention because he kept coming in to see me. I would get so excited to see his blue S10 truck pull in on the lot on the monitor. Everyday he got off work he would come see me. The more I got to know him the more I fell in love with him. I even gave him a sweetheart bracelet that said “I love you”. The same day he told me he had fallen in love with me. I went home that evening and the man I was with that just lived with me read one of my text about making money on a private show that he didn’t know done. I never mentioned it because we had no love or relationship, but he still grabbed me and beat my head into the floor while calling me a slut. We lived with my parents at the time. My mom heard my head bouncing off the floor and she came upstairs immediately and told him to leave and don’t come back. He left and I called Bryant. He came stayed all night with me. We waited to have sex before that night but we did do it once at a park. I was so nervous the first time is together in a bed together. We made love all night long. It was amazing as so was he. He came to my house every night and visited me at work everyday. I was the happiest I had been in six years. All I knew before him was abuse in my previous relationship. That guy tried to come back and get in and I didn’t allow it. I was deeply in love with my prince charming which he had purposed with a ring and of course I said YES!!!! We got married on September 27, 2008 which was also his birthday. Yes, were still together today which next month makes seven years of marriage and I still love him just as much well more then I did even back then. He’s laying right here with me. My sexy prince charming, which is now my husband, always & forever more!!! We got married to the song “Far Away” by: Nickelback, but he’s no longer far away he’s right were he’s supposed to be right here with me. My happily ever after.
Well it has been a long and very boring summer. A lot if everyday stresses has definitely got to me. The last couple days I’ve spent a lot of time with my husband. My parents live right over top of me. Sometimes I can hear the screaming and chaos of my moms voice, echoing through the floor. I must say that does become very bothersome. I’d love for her to be understanding to know at age 35 I’m gonna make my own decisions. Parents should show their children love, understanding and guidance. Right now my car’s broke down, school is about to start up for my son and the panic attacks keep coming and coming. I wouldn’t wish one on my worst enemy. I’ve never been were I am right now. I have always worked and been independent. But now it’s like I’m stuck. I’m at Rock Bottom! Yeah, what they say is true you do find out who your friends are when you reach this horrible point. You look around you see all of life’s struggles. I know I have to be strong my sons father is never there for him it is all me. His dad brings out excuses of why he never shows up for him when he promises too. I’ve never had anything bad to say about the man besides the broken promises he leaves with our son. He’s always telling him he’s coming and never shows. Oh how bad id like to smack him for this. We are never promised tomorrow so I’m living for the right now. If you don’t worry about yourself trust me no one else will. Here in West Virginia I don’t think the doctors even care anymore. Their is always an excuse to get you out fast and not care to help make your life better. Especially with panic disorder in which I fight everyday of my life. Let’s see how long it takes me to get up from Rock Bottom.