Pay It Forward

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Life is full of struggles. Everyday we try to figure out what could make our life easier, less stressful. I think about how much better the world would be if we just done for others as we would want done for ourselves. I believe there is good Karma and well of course there is bad too. We create our own destiny. It would be nice if we could all just pack up and move to the beach somewhere I have never been. I’m in the middle of trying to change my life into something better, something to smile about when I lay down to sleep at night. I think of all these famous celebrities and well they even consume a daily amount of stress. They have to avoid cameras and probably wish they were just regular people that didn’t have to run away to be themselves , to get that break. The peace of mind we all long for. I suffer from severe panic attacks daily. I live in West Virginia and wonder is these doctors ever going to really help me. Why can’t they pretend they are me? Think about the other person. Some are to quick to judge. I believe everyone should treat each other with respect and put yourself in that other persons shoes. Right now I’m 35 years old and I just feel so old, at this point you start thinking about your childhood, your dreams, what you really want out of life, how you can be here one second and gone the next. Whomever you might be you have a story. Everyone does. Life is short make it count and Pay it Forward…..this weekend I have been married seven years out of my life to a very handsome man. No I don’t have the perfect life. Yes, we are poor. It doesn’t matter though because it doesn’t have to be what everyone else has it mapped out to be because its my life, my fairy tale love and he’s my heart and in the end of the day that’s all that matters. My son is an awesome young man and as he gets older I get wiser and I think of how much more I want for him I think all mothers does. One day some how God willing, I’ll figure it all out and make my life a better place, God willing and when I do I’m going to Pay It Forward.

The Walk

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Today, I definitely took a walk in life. I went and got a Pelvic Ultra Sound. Yeah, I know sounds like all kinds of fun. They said my uterus was sideways. I know that couldn’t be a good thing. September has been a very stressful month for me, because I made up my mind to get test done and blood work to actually get myself checked out to the fullest. To try to figure out what exactly is wrong with me. The walk of life is scary and if your an individual who has severe panic disorder like me, well then your life is a constant struggle of the battle of the thoughts. Your thoughts are all together what some would call racing thoughts. I find it to be an exhausting nightmare. To suffer daily with panic disorder does really suck! What are you supposed to do about it? Some would say get you a shrink (psychiatrist) well I have done that. My doctor helped me for a long time then off the meds I go, and it has really done a number on me. He says do the anxiety workbook okay, done that and it still does not stop the attacks. They keep coming strong. I have chest pains daily. I suffer in pain daily and I manage, but for them to make me live in a constant fright without the proper anxiety medication, well I just don’t think that’s fair. Therapy is not going to change the fact I have full force panic and I can’t stop it. I do what I can to function daily. Since j have been struggling without proper medication my gratitude of life has decreased tremendously. I know I must make the best of things, to change things about myself that I want to change for the better. I’m going to lose weight. I’m going to start walking or dancing to get the exercise I need to make myself healthier if it’s God’s will for me to be then it shall be we shall see. I am ready to take my walk one day at a time and I do know one thing for sure with God as my strength anything is possible. Stay tuned to what’s yet to come in my life and destiny, for only God can judge me in the walk of life.

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Thinking about Life

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There is many twist and turns in life, from love, lust, betrayal, forgiveness, truth, lies, depression, etc. We all have a path and everyone’s different and unique in their own way. We choose the path we take. I struggle with the “Stress” daily. I am pretty sure that we all do, but the question is “What can you do about it”? Well, its pretty simple find out what you want in life. What the whole plan is to getting what you want in life. Choose something you like to do and try to make the best out of it. There is always HOPE, and I hope whatever comes my way God can help me through it, for God is what gives us strength and helps us through it.