Today has been one of those days. I have had a lot on my mind. Everything seems to be happening all at once, and the racing thoughts seem to keep pouring in. The anxiety seems to never stop, maybe one day I’ll get those under control they are starting to add to the stress in my life. Things have got to change and get better, God willing I will change it and improve anything that I can. I seem to be having a late night tonight. Been watching movies this weekend, it started out with a stomach bug this weekend now the panic. Its like 2am and the insomnia is still going strong. I decided today its time to fit more exercise into my life it always makes you feel better when you exercise. I know it always takes a while to get results, but at least now I’m thinking in the right direction. I know with time we get older and older, the things we once done in the past seem so difficult. I’m 35 years old about to be 36 here soon and I know there is no better time then now to start trying to take care of myself. My sons growing up on me so fast, life will pass you by if you just set around and let it. I’m in the process of learning how to be myself, discover who I am, and make the changes I want to make. I’m too much in my head these days taking each day as it comes. I guess I’ll try to get some sleep for now guess I’ll go for now. Sincerely, Love me..
On March 21, 2008 was one of the worst days of my life. I found my little brother passed away. I thought I could revive him, but could not. I had done so many times before. He had an accidental overdose. He was 25 years old the day he passed, he had been gone a little over three hours when I found him. I remember doing CPR and hearing the last bit of air come out of his lungs. I lost it, I don’t think I have ever been the same since. I still wish he was here to talk too, all us kids grew up close. We lived in a small neighborhood Chandler Drive growing up. Everyone was like family, we all hung out at the park and went to dances. We always had fun even playing truth or dare on the park’s steps. We had good memories. I have a lot of good memories of my brother too, it breaks my heart to this day he’s no longer on this earth, but I’m sure he resides in heaven. I now talk to my brother through prayer and he resides in my memory and pictures. When death stares you in the face you get to thinking and if your like me having panic attacks thinking about how short life really is. Then after he passed more of my friends did and family. The whole concept of death is a hard subject to think about. Make as many memories as you can live life for God and try to overcome the obstacles sin throws at us. We are all scared of dying the panic attacks become almost intolerable, but we have to move forward even with panic and try to make the most out of our life. I’ve been missing my little brother as I also suffer from severe panic attacks. You will always be in my heart Lil brother, I’m so thankful to have you as my guardian angel. God Bless and R.I.P Travis Hall, love and miss you so very much.